As I was saying in my Bridget Jones’s Baby post, Hollywood has been seriously lacking in solid original ideas. Which leads us to our next sh-tty nostalgia reboot: The Legend of Tarzan. I was willing to give it the benefit of the doubt when the teaser came out, but now that we have a full trailer, I can now confirm that it looks stupid.

If you don’t have the patience to sit through two and a half minutes of dumb, here’s a summary: Gorilla, baby, abs, Jane, Jane wet, Jane being told to scream, more wet Jane, Tarzan nuzzling a CGI gorilla and ABS.

I know that sounds like the plot of a Tarzan themed porno. That’s because it is.

I was going to say that we as consumers aren’t that dumb, but then I remembered every beer commercial ever, so yeah, we are that dumb.

I will give the filmmakers credit for not even trying to disguise the fact that Margot Robbie is playing a human blow-up doll. Jane’s character description is basically WET.

Let’s reminisce about better times when Andie MacDowell’s voice was dubbed in the ‘80s Tarzan. Yes, Jane had to STFU even then.

Image credit: Warner Bros. Pictures

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